#trip

Although, it does seem so last century – the whole muscle thing.

I could never go out with him. Would be too embarrassed to introduce him to my friends.

Call me shallow - I just couldn’t see him in regular clothes having a glass of wine with my grandmother.

Although she was far from my thoughts as he opened the door to his miniscule house.

However, someone’s nanna was clearly not so far away.

Everything was tiny. He looked like an ogre who’d mistakenly wandered into the home of the Seven Dwarves.

The furniture was all this delicate pseudo-antiquy stuff.

He even had those awful doily things on the backs of the chairs.

And there were coasters and tiny lace mats on all the little tables, and florally lamps.

Surreal.

Had I accidentally gone home with a Beatrix Potter character?

No, he was still @andre_the_giant.

Although looking a little awkward in the space, he clearly didn’t sense there was anything wrong. 
I was expecting him to say he was minding the house for somebody. 
But no explanation was offered.

Then he said he had to feed the dog. 
A dog lived in here???

And then it appeared.

A fucking chihuahua.

The tiniest, girliest, twee-est domestic animal I have ever seen.

Called Lola.

I kid you not.

During the 3-step journey to the kitchen with Lola, @andre_the_giant turned on some music and 2 of the floral lamps.

Setting the mood.

He returned and sat on what can only be described as a settee and motioned for me to join him.

I did so, feeling most precarious. 
Then he started to stroke me. 
Or, more accurately, pat me. 
Like a small pet.

He then kissed my hand.

Really.

Took it in his and raised it to his lips and kissed it.

Ever so gently.

I closed my eyes.

Not in a swoon.

But in the hope that when I opened them it would all be a bad, bad dream.

Or at least that the decor would miraculously change.

It didn’t.

@andre_the_giant stood up, bent over and picked me up like a bride about to be carried over the threshold. Walked with great ease and me in his arms to his tiny bedroom, which was almost completely filled by a huge antique brass bed. 
With a canopy….


#DNA Magazine

@urban_homo_dna

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