#straight shooter

So I awoke on Saturday morning with a thumping head and a sense of remorse.

Remorse that I hadn't gotten any action.

Seemed such a shame.

'Cause I'd looked so great on Friday night.

And had celebrated the fact in a major way.

I'd started the night with a liquid dinner and had carried on to the wee small hours.

I turned over to catch my reflection in my mirrored robe, to survey the damage.

It was pretty bad.

I also caught a glimpse of something else.

An open bedside table drawer.

Containing an open bottle of lube.

And on the floor...

A condom wrapper....

And....

a condom.

Used.

Yes! 

I did get action.

Now all I needed to do was remember it...

How had my night progressed...?

Drinks on the roof.

Frocktails at Velluto, with Joyce Maynge.

And then what?

The Oxford?

No.

Stonewall?

No.

Palms?

No.

Ah...the Shift?

Yep, the Shift.

Had somehow managed to walk from Potts Point.

And convince the doorman that I was in fact sober.

Then the barman that selling me a beer was somehow in line with the responsible service of alcohol.

With beer in hand I stumbled laps around the venue, with the occasional wobbly shimmy on the dancefloor.

Pashing anyone who stood still long enough.

Or anyone who was too pissed to resist.

Reached a state of virtual sleepwalking.

And slumped against a wall.

Beer on dangerous angle.

Slowly spilling on my crotch.

Too tired and pissed to care.

Or to stop it.

But not too tired and pissed to go home.

Just one last bid.

And there he was.

Suddenly by my side.

@mr_regular_guy

I didn't say anything.

Just went the lunge.

He turned his face away.

That awkward moment.

"I'm straight" he said.

"Oh shit, sorry" I slurred.

Too pissed to wonder what he was doing there.

"But I'd like you to fuck me" he continued.

"Oh, so you're bi?" I said

"No, I'm straight. I just like to get fucked by guys every now and then."

"Can't do that if you don't kiss" 

"Oh, you can kiss me...just not here. Let's go to your place."

So we did.

We kissed.

Repeatedly.

And I fucked him.

Repeatedly.

He left as soon as he'd come.

Pretending to go to the bathroom.

Then sneaking out the front door before I'd realised what was happening.

And it all came flooding back as I saw the condom on the floor.

The condom I'd ejaculated in while fucking a straight man.

Kicking off my Mardi Gras weekend celebrating diversity.




#DNA Magazine


@urban_homo_dna


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