In case you're worried, that was not me you saw on Border Patrol.
And consequently, no that wasn't me being photographed leaving the courts with a jumper over my head.
That drug haul we saw on the news had nothing to do with me.
Although, as an aside, I do always experience some slight panic when I see those stories.
Especially in the weeks leading up to any major event.
Hope it's not someone I know.
How are we gonna have fun at that party?
The drugs will be extra expensive.
And probably shit.
But I digress.
Pills arrived.
Bringing no conviction with them.
Other than that they would make me thin.
It was 4 weeks out when they did.
So despite my anxiety that they'd never get here, once they did I had confidence in their powers.
Although not quite enough confidence to stick to the recommended dosage.
During the first week I didn't sleep for three days.
And I couldn't be very far from a lavatory for more than an hour at a time.
I had the shits and the shakes so badly one Tuesday that I had to take day off work.
But it seemed to be doing the trick.
Combined, of course, with the gruelling whip-cracking of @hot_trainer.
And my favourite signature exercise - a cycle class.
I love that I can go into a darkened room first thing in the morning and basically dance for 45 minutes.
Sure I'm on peddles.
But if the music is right it takes me back to Arq at 5am.
About 10 years ago.
Although I'm not worried about what I'm wearing.
Or trying to pick up.
Or running the risk of a possible overdose.
And I don't have to talk to anybody.
Or buy a drink.
Although I do maintain two memberships in order to indulge this reminiscence.
For the zhuzzhi P.E. Dept of which I am so fond does not offer the spin classes I thrive on.
And Fitness First does not offer me the wanker-free zone I need to work out confidently.
So I pay $98 per month for this indulgence.
And of late I've clearly been getting my money's worth.
At least 3 days a week to both of them.
If I pro-rata it, it's a little over $4 per visit.
It's how I rationalise my fashion purchases.
That $600 cashmere sweater was worn at least 3 times a week for the whole of winter.
(Even if only for a few hours at a time).
If I reduce that to what I call Dollar Per Wear, it's $15.22 a pop.
Practically free.
Same with my gym membership.
At least 3 days a week to both of them.
If I pro-rata it, it's a little over $4 per visit.
It's how I rationalise my fashion purchases.
That $600 cashmere sweater was worn at least 3 times a week for the whole of winter.
(Even if only for a few hours at a time).
If I reduce that to what I call Dollar Per Wear, it's $15.22 a pop.
Practically free.
Same with my gym membership.
Although it has all dropped off a little.
Since The Big Event.
Remember, that thing that inspired it all.
The. School. Reunion.
Yes.
It's been.
The date has passed.
And I attended.
Although not without reservation.
For, as I think I may have suggested, I did have to steel myself.
For, as I think I may have suggested, I did have to steel myself.
But I attended.
And do you think this all paid off?
Do you think I was unrecognisable?
Was I Victoria Beckham?
Did I invent Post-Its?
And what's that pic about?
It's just there because he's beautiful, and I couldn't think of anything else.
And what's that pic about?
It's just there because he's beautiful, and I couldn't think of anything else.
